Monday, May 29, 2006

I Just Drank A Quart Of Salt Water

Every year I decide my liver needs a little break and give up the drink for 30 days. A splendid idea as I have been known to consume an array of cocktails and a bottle of wine or two all by myself over the course of an evening. Last year I actually managed 6 weeks with no hooch and also went vegetarian. Surprisingly, what I missed more was the meat and when I came off my little fast I sat down to a medium rare piece of beef the size of Texas. This years cleanse comes at the end of the birthday season for Taurus and Gemini running up to the pride weekend. I mean if I am going off the wagon I might as well get run over by it too.

I am now on day 8 of this years ride on the wagon and have decided not to eat for 10 days as well. It is called the master cleanse and the first day starts with a salt water flush. An oral enema if you will. 2 teaspoons of salt in a quart of lukewarm water that you down in one go. That nearly made me gag so I am not sure what the next 10 days are going to be like. Within an hour I am supposed to be making several trips to the WC that will clear out the “plaque and debris from the walls” of my digestive track and colon as well as the parasites that have been living there. Nothing yet but it feels like something is happening down there.

The only sustenance I get for 10 days is a cocktail (mmmmmmm, cocktail) of lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water. I love my food so it will be interesting to see how this goes. On the plus side I will be saving time and money (sidebar – 24 minutes in and flush number one just hit. If you do this, I advise you stick close to a WC!!!). Time – I won’t have to wash dishes, prepare meals or stand in line at grocery stores. Money – I won’t have to grocery shop. Maple syrup can be pricey but one of the gals at my yoga retreats owns a farm where the make organic and I bought a litre for $17. Uh-oh, here comes number two. Excuse me.

Where was I? I will also be helping the environment. Now, or I am assuming at least, I will use less toilet paper and not be wasting all that water to run my porcelain throne.

I will post and update as this little experiment goes along, hoping I make it the entire 10 days. Wish me luck!

Excuse me again.

That's three in less than 43 minutes. Look out maple syrup, here I come!


Blogger Blair said...

Not eating for 10 days? Oh dear. That seems a bit extreme - but good luck with that monkey.

5:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will plan on seeing you after day 10. You didn't mention what this is going to do to your sunny personality and those poor co-workers whose lunches you will be eyeing. I will be watching.

5:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm very impressed by your monk-like asceticism, but now I'm going to worry about you for the next 10 days, putting yourself through starvation and purging! I shall call you every day to make sure you haven't slipped away behind the sofa and expired.
Little Lord Fontleroy

5:30 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

jeepers, I don't drink anymore, don't eat meat or dairy, or much wheat - and people look at me like I'm a little off....

hell, one glass of milk or scoop of ice cream has the same effect on me...


7:04 AM  
Blogger Callooh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:04 AM  

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