I am a manly man, dude.

One of the side benefits to dating IronMan is a daily paper. I never bother having one delivered at home and only occasionally buy one on the weekend and it’s a nice treat to read one whenever I go over.

I recently stumbled across an article in the entertainment section about a couple that blog about the art of being manly. Brett Mckay, the ‘manly man’, has a 1970s moustache and mutton chops. His wife is not nearly as homely as I thought she would be but apparently likes her men a certain way. Well who doesn’t?

In the article they had a list of what manly men should know how to do and what they don’t do. Turns out, I am more manly than I thought. Included on said list were:

> Break down a door – this I know how to do. Kick for the area around the lock, never the hinge side.
> Perform a fireman’s carry – I can do ANYTHING related to a fireman.
> Treat a snake bite… that one got me. My ex was once stung by a scorpion on a camping trip and he lived. Does that count?
> Change a flat tire – can do and have done.
> Jump-start a car without cables. What am I, MacGyver? I know you can do it with a standard but it takes more than one person (or a downhill angle) and you pop the clutch as you get up speed.
> Start a fire without matches – even after all my Survivor watching, no. Unless I have a magnifying glass. But I am guessing if I don’t even have matches, I wouldn’t have that either.
> Cook meat or eggs on a stick – yes to the first what the hell on the second?
> Throw a bachelor party without strippers. A straight one? No problem there darling. Never been to a gay bachelor party but can’t see how different it would be from a Saturday night in the village where half the people look like peelers anyway.
> Deliver a best-man speech. If I am allowed to cry, then yes.
> Take care of a pregnant wife. This is foreign to me, but pregnant or not, shouldn’t she be taking care of the man? (LOL – kidding…. Or am I?)
> Braid their daughter’s hair. Daughter, mother, sister, girl bring it on! I could even braid my GI Joe doll’s hair when I was 3.

And a few of the “don’t do” for men were:
> Use emoticons. I don’t know what that is so I think I am good.
> Break up on Facebook – don’t even have an account and even if I did, I would still break up by text message like everyone else.
> Complain. About anything? Ever? Really, not even about my snake-bitten, pregnant wife who locked herself out of the house after starting a fire in the stove and forbade me from going to my best friend’s bachelor party because there were strippers? Whatever….everyone complains even if it’s only to themselves.

The artofmanliness blog is worth a look.... men only though. I don't think this link will work for chicks:

http://artofmanliness.com/

Happy Halloween!

Good times is what Halloween was this year! We went back to the Power House for their annual haunted house. Set on the grounds of the old Lakeshore Asylum, it is rather frightening. While I must say it was not as spooky or scary as last year (it did not seem as dark and at no time were you locked in a room with no way out) it was still well done and we certainly needed our second set of underwear.

Thing 1 and Thing 2, the youngest of our crew, got the most out of it until IronGirl thought one more fright before bed would be a good idea. As she crept down the hall, her cat ran past her providing a cover for the ‘noise heard from the hall’. Just as Thing 1 breathed a sigh of relief saying “oh Coco, it’s you”, my sister jumped in the room with a loud “boo”. Tears ensued from one party, laughter from the other.

In the end, she says she was torn, she was proud as she had never scared someone so completely in her life, but felft bad for causing a young lad to cry. She got hers however when Thing 1 squeezed into her bed for the night.

Then of course there was Fred of whom you have already read about. He is a fine addition to my Halloween stash.

The Dollhouse Girls played host to a fantastic pumpkin carving party and I must say I did two of my most successful pumpkins to date. We had no need to go trick or treating as they, as usual, put on a spread that could not be beat. It was a good thing they filled us up as it was a COLD night on Church Street. Frigid, but also successful!

We were like stars on a red carpet! Our costumes drew the rave reviews they deserved (although they didn’t get us in any express lines for getting somewhere warm). The only thing missing was triumph in a costume contest, but not getting into a bar where they had a contest, what can one expect? We found warmth and libations at Lola’s and did indeed have fun.

Next year we just need to do the street earlier and make for the bars sooner.

Down With Mickey

Last week I was lucky enough to head to Cozumel for a visit with my brother! He is on leave right now and after the go-go vacation they had in the summer, his family wanted a chill-out type vacation.

My sister-in-law rented a great condo for us rather than do the hotel route. It was right on the water (and had its own pool), three big bedrooms each with its own bathroom and a good size kitchen and dining area. I guess it is not tourist season just yet so it was not overly busy, in fact of the fourteen units in the building, only ours was occupied. It made getting a lounge chair nice and easy!

Every morning we would take breakfast on the balcony listening to the waves roll in and watch the cruise ships steam towards the south end of the island. We learned the first day that one does not go into town while the ships are docked. You can’t walk by a store front without someone offering you 10 t-shirts for $20 or some other equally garage sale bound fodder.

There was a comedian/entrepreneur that at least brought a smile to our faces with his honesty – “come, have a look, same junk, better price.”

Oh, and here is a Cozumel tip, if you ever buy fresh fish for dinner, make sure the fish monger cleans them for you! Luckily, as a kid, I paid attention when my dad gutted the pickerel we caught at Crane Lake.

One morning, a rather sharp looking ship crossed our path, the type of ship that would have inspired the expression 'I like the cut of your jib'. Rather than the usual white from the waterline up, its hull was painted navy and it had a red stripe going all the way round. I was disappointed to see gold Mickey Mouse ears smacked on the side of the funnel. My worst nightmare on the high-seas; trapped in a tin can with nothing but children as far as the eyes could see and the ears could hear.

Although, under the cover of darkness, I am sure it would be quite easy to make shark bait out of them. Roll Mickey for his outfit, lure them aft and play Titanic. Hee hee.

I never got close enough to the SS Minnie or whatever it was to give it much thought. But apparently the Mouseketeers thought they would have some fun with me back here in Canada.

As I am in the process of setting up for Halloween, my fall themed decorations are being packed away. Foolishly, I put my beautiful wheat sheaf in the garage and just covered it with a canvas bag. I was going to re-organize and pack it in its proper bin later. Well! Didn’t I go out there tonight to find much of the grain scattered about and two little black shadows scamper down the wall!

Rude is what I thought. I have recently been scolding IronMan for his efforts of ridding his house of mice. There is no issue with eliminating the little vermin, but it at least should be done humanely. He bought those sticky traps and I think they are cruel. I mean the traps are bad enough, but when he does catch a mouse, he just chucks the lot in the garbage - without putting the thing out of its misery! At least the old-fashioned ones give them one whack and it’s bye-bye. I also say 'no' to the sticky traps as IronMan's sometimes absent minded boyfriend managed to step in one and ruin pair of socks.

It was time for a visit to Canadian Tire and a look at what they had for killing wheat sheaf destroying vermin! Two traps for $1 – who knew? A little peanut butter and I hope that by tomorrow Mr. & Mrs. Mouse while have vacated the premises for that big block of Swiss Cheese in the sky.

And if the traps don’t do it, maybe the impregnated canary seed will do the trick. I hope it’s impregnated with poison or I might really be in trouble. I guess time will tell.

Suck It Martha.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Martha Stewart and find her magazines and books inspire my creativity. Who can forget "Rest In Peas" ~ a classic! I have to say however, what people will pay (I won’t say what she charges because someone out there pays for it) for some of her merchandise is ridiculous. Her nickel plated brass bed makes me weak in the knees and I could justify that expense. Her Christmas décor, for the most part, is fabulous and doesn’t whip me into an outrage when I see the price.

But some of her Halloween things are a bit crazy. As Fauntleroy pointed out this evening, not only is it expensive, but she seems to have become addicted to glitter. A bright green glitter skeleton for $160? I say no! For a few years now though, I have admired, and for one of, her mummies.

As it turns out, this is my lucky Halloween. Two weeks ago, I mortified IronMan as we were out walking in the beach and we happened upon a store that was having a “going out of business” sale. On the sidewalk was a pile of ‘junk’ that had a ‘free’ sign in front of it. In said pile was a display mannequin ~ for FREE! I know right? What are the chances?

It reminded me that old Jack Handy skit from SNL and the thought for the day was “if you are ever in Chicago visiting the Sears tower, and you get blown off the observation deck, just go real limp and someone might catch you. They might be looking up and think, ‘hey, free dummy’.

Perhaps I got a little too excited but IronMan reluctantly agreed to hold Fred (I did not name him) while I confirmed with the owner he was indeed free. This turned out to be true AND the brand new pair of pants (that are my size) were included AND he asked me if I wanted more!

Fred is about my height, and quite heavy, so I could only manage him alone on my first trip. I now wish I had gone back for more immediately. With Fred complete, my mind raced to a massacre victim with their chest wretched open or a Lizzie Borden type scene in my front window!

Alas, it was not meant to be. I returned this weekend for a twin and they had either been taken away or dumped in the dust bin. Oh well, I would have to make do. For just $10 on raw cotton at Fabricland, $8 on a skeleton arm and foot and $16 on a head for Fred I was well on my way.

Granted, I did have to pay for the cup of flour, and the 5 cups of water will surely be tacked onto my utilities bill from the city, but really, that is nothing. So for less than $40 Fred has risen from the trash pile to this years Halloween centre piece.

Four and a Half things I like about FAME.

I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but the remake of Fame that landed in theatres yesterday is neither going too live forever nor will it fly high. I am surprised it didn’t go straight to video and crash and burn.

Not sure who came up with the idea for this updated version, but I fear someone at Disney must have been behind it. It is all scrubbed up and clean and everyone, in the end, has a happy ending. Gone is any sense of grittiness or reality. Apparently everyone who goes to PA will be a success.

I fear that Fame suffers from the same pitfalls that Sex In The City did – too many storylines that all end the same place ~ boring town. There are at least 8 ‘main’ characters and 3 teachers that you follow over 4 years (from Freshman to Senior) in 2 hours. It should have been a series with this first movie just about the first year.

Despite my review, I do recall four and a half things I did like:

1 - After a slow start, my hopes were revived by a stunning performance from Naturi Naughton. She sits at a piano singing her little heart out and for a brief moment brings your interest back to the film. Papi, you have a job to do!
2 - Then, there is a Moulin Rouge type dance sequence during the schools CarnEvil themed Halloween party. Costumes and dancing are impressive, but like the piano solo above, it ends.
3 - Kherington Payne was the next one to strut her stuff. And for a boy that likes boys, I have to say that girl has STUFF and she knows how to STRUTT it. Oh my, she can move!
4 - Not really in the movie, but the trailer for New Moon (the next movie in the Twilight series). That Jacob has been hitting the gym. If he had been in Fame, it would have been MUCH better – especially if he strutted his stuff with Kherington.
.5 My half point goes to Megan Mullally for her 10 second Karen Walker-esque moment that took me back to the good old doily days. Oh Karen, we miss you.

Sorry to say it, Fame bites, save your money for the new Alice in Wonderland.

Camping, And Not the Drag Kind.

If memory serves, the last time I went camping was in Dubai. The heat was intense, there was no place to cool off and there was a scorpion stinging incident. This weekend however, I ventured to try it again.

There was sand, not as much as there was in the UAE, but the same kind, really fine that gets everywhere. By contrast, there was a wonderful lake to cool off in and only a tiny little cute toad hiding under our tent as we packed it away this time.

As slight miscommunication between Kitkat and myself delayed our Friday departure. After our usual Thursday night get together, he said, “I’ll be waiting out front at 10:30” ~ I took that to mean he would be downstairs at his apartment so I would only have a quick stop to chuck in his stuff.

Apparently, he meant he was staying over at Fauntleroy’s (just down the street) and that he would be waiting for me there. After hitting EVERY red light on University Avenue and seeing no Kitkat, I ascended the stairs to his apartment. I could tell by the lack of light behind his peephole he was not there.

Even before I knocked I knew where he was. It was one of the few times I wished I’d had a cell phone. I headed to IronMan’s as planned and we took a quick trip back to New Toronto to fetch Kitkat. In the end, it saved us sitting on the DVP and we were only a few minutes behind schedule.

If you can get by Salem Road heading east from Toronto, chances are things will be smooth sailing. Sure enough, we were at the gorgeous Sandbanks Provincial Park in due time and set about making camp. As D&D were working, we had brought their tents and set them up as well.

Not having camping supplies of my own, I tapped my family resources and after a visit from my dad and IronGirl had tents for all and a full kitchen. The tents I borrowed for Fauntleroy and Kitkat were for three, but let me tell you, ‘three man’ tents are barely big enough for one. You could get three in, but they better REALLY like each other. There was a gay Lego joke at some point and I will let you ponder that one.

Anyway, they were free and we all managed. IronMan had won a camping set on a Roll-Up the Rim cup and while we could at least stand in it, I don’t know where you would put six people.

The weekend had called for rain, but we did not get a drop. The weather was great, but the sunsets spectacular. Friday night’s especially put on quite a show. And the stars, that is one thing you don’t get to see living in the city. The nine year old girl with her two ferrets crawling around under the picnic table we were at was a little off putting, but added a certain something to the evening.

Her father finally called here away saying ‘teenagers don’t come out in the dark to chat with 9 year olds’. Clearly it was very dark if he thought those seated at the table were teenagers. 20 somethings yes, but teenagers? Even I don’t buy that. We must have been giving off a youthful energy.

Our first night’s sleep was repeatedly disturbed by rude latecomers that were chatting, rather loudly I must say, until the wee hours of the morning. It wasn’t until I gratefully heard Kitkat say “it’s 3:00 AM, do you mind if people in this park get some sleep?” that silence instantly fell over the camp and we could all nod off. Unlike one of the Harry Potter movies we saw where Kitkat told a group of teenagers to “shut the fuck up”, it was very restrained of hit to speak like that. He must have been tired.

The next morning, rain did look imminent, so we packed ourselves into the cars and headed to Picton. We stopped a several junk/antique (depending on your point-of-view) markets on the way and had lunch at Buddha Dog. They serve mini hotdogs, on mini buns with yummy locally sourced condiments.

Service was indeed slow, but we all chatted about our fond Pop Shoppe memories (the only beverage they had) and chuckled when Fauntleroy talked about his man’s “Boobors” ~ his cute name for his ample chest. I also found a country house in the local real estate listings. I think 'IronMan's Bike Barn' has a nice ring to it, now I just have some convincing to do!

Not a drop of precipitation fell, and the sun was scorching when we hit the beech. The water was cool, but due to the shallowness, not overly cold.

Our meals, of course, were yummy if basic. There were yummy stuffed potatoes, all sorts of salads, BBQ sausages and super delicious meatloaf sandwiches. Kitkat helped us relive our childhood with those mini cereal boxes. Instead of being lined with wax paper, they now have plastic and that makes it much easier to get into and doesn’t hold the milk any better. IronMan cut right through and soon found milk on his plate. That boy doesn’t know his own strength.

The cool evenings meant next to no mosquitoes and if there were any, Kitkat’s constant fire tending kept them at bay. It also made for pleasant sleeping as the tents did not get overly stuffy.

I have had better sleeps, but have to say I will put it on next year’s activity list. We searched and have compiled a list of our ‘preferred’ spots. We will start booking as soon as the season opens so we don’t miss out!

Neti Pot Learning Curve

Many entries ago, I talked about a raisin that took a trip in my mouth and out my nose, a journey that took 3 days! No complaining here though, as I now have a party trick, that I can do just about anywhere, as long as I am wearing my necklace. Along with said trick, came a realization about just how the nose and mouth are connected and how you can use that to your advantage for any number of day-to-day activities.

As an allergy sufferer, I soon discovered that sucking water into the nose did a fantastic job cleaning it out and help immensely when it came to allergies. I do this in the shower, so while not the most pleasant image, there is no clean up. Now, I go through half the Kleenex I used to, I can actually smell things from June – September and I no longer need antihistamines.

A while back I heard about how a neti pot could enhanced the effects of my daily routine thanks to the addition of salt and the flowing of water in one nostril and out the other. For $19.99, Himalayan Crystal Salt included, I thought I would give it a go. I could have pick up one for about $5, but given my aversion to plastic, I went with the double decker design porcelain version.

In the bottom, you prepare your saline solution and the top is the pot itself. The directions for the salt were to dissolve as much salt into the water as possible until you see a few bits on the bottom. Each salt ‘crystal’ is about the size of a small apricot and I think I had three in there before I could see residue on the bottom.

Either the instructions were not clear or I don’t follow directions very well, but I am telling you all now, you need to DILUTE FINAL SOLUTION! That much salt in your nose burns like an SOB! It went in easily enough, but trying to get the sting out took a couple hours.

That, plus not having my head tilted just right resulting in a few mouthfuls of salt water, almost made me abandon the pot for my old routine.

My next attempt was much more successful. With warm water and a splash of the salt solution, I docked the neti spout in my nose, tucked my chin towards my shoulder and the water flowed just as I had imagined. Breathing through the mouth was easy, there was no panic and at the half way mark, at least as far as I could determine, I switched sides and drained the pot.

I now neti about every third day, more often if I have been out running or in the garden and know there will be an abundance of pollen up the old nose. If you suffer from allergies at all, I highly recommend giving it a try but don’t expect to look or feel as glamorous as the buxom blond on the front of the box who is actually smiling while she flushes her nose ~ at least not on the first try.