Thursday, July 28, 2011

Iron Weekend

Another year another 6 successful IronMan participants! Congrats to all! IronGirl had to help one of the boys on the swim as he only started swimming lessons last fall. For the first time ever!

The energy in Lake Placid during an IronMan is amazing and as Baco Noir pointed out, it is awfully tempting to sign up. Inspired by the novice swimmer I thought I would attempt one loop of the swim course but after about 200m heard the Vancome lady in my head: “chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, know vat? Uh-uh”.

I have to say though, not that this applies to anyone in our group, if your bike is worth 12 grand and you are wearing a $300 helmet that makes you look like spunk, you need to finish in the top 20 or stop wearing that. Clearly, it is the carpenter and not the tools. One wise guy slit a 1.5 litre water bottle along one side and duct taped it to his regular helmet. “This cost $.99” was scrawled on the side with a sharpie. Bravo I say!

I too had an endurance test this weekend and it was between technology and my patience. Keep in mind I am a little slow when it comes to adapting technology. If advancements in civilization were up to those as inventive as I, we would still be living in caves and killing our dinner with rocks, or finding it under them if we were feeling particularly lethargic.

Proudly, my home is still equipped with a rotary phone and after much badgering by friends and family alike I caved and got a cell phone last year. Despite promises of endless text conversations by my niece and nephew, I am still waiting as they have not come to fruition.

GPS in hand, mother and I headed for Lake Placid and all was fine until we approached any small town en route. Then, Starbuck Sally, or whatever her name is would try to take us around it as the “fastest route”. Fastest my eye! Even when you changed your request to “most direct”, “no toll” or anything else she did as she pleased. Typical woman really.

Frustration grew when someone (I won’t name names but there were only two of us in the car and it wasn’t me) dropped a piece of chocolate on the screen and in an attempt to clean it had us going to Garden City New Jersey instead of Garden Way (the name of the street we were aiming for).

The same foolishness took place on the way home. “Turn Left” directions added 4 miles to our route for no reason I could determine. I had visions of Albert and Rita getting led astray in the Nevada desert.

“Lost in Upstate New York” ~ I could see headlines that sounded oddly like a Sophia Coppola movie right before my eyes. Fortunately, my patient mother is used to my technological ineptitude and took it all in stride. Sally eventually got us there but not in anything that even slightly resembled a straight line.

From here on out, it’s a Pearly’s paper map for me, it doesn’t talk back!

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

So Confusing!

My whirlwind of entertainment continued this evening as I had a private show with Hugh Jackman. Everyone else in the theatre was non-existent and he was singing just for, and to, moi!

First a Happy 38th Birthday to my friend the Maltese Falcon, you are not having a mid-life crisis, you will have a baby and you will find a man. It just won’t be Hugh Jackman. Or will it? It’s all too much.

We are just home from his one Man Show and Kitkat, Kerouac, Baco Noir and IronGirl, hold on to your hats as you are in for one hell of a treat! Well maybe not IronGirl so much as she likes neither boys nor musicals but you will fall under the influence of the energy I am sure!

Mr. Jackman obviously has ample equipment to play on my team, and in my dreams, hopes, prayers, voodoo doll experiments, Ouija board games and fantasies he is an all star slugger. But I must admit he has now left me dazed and confused.

He had me hook, line and sinker with the first number but then almost lost me on the second. His rendition of One Night Only flanked by two, how shall I put this, beards? Did not sit well at all and I was wondering where his velour tracksuit was and if I had been teleported to Las Vegas some how.

After that ever so minor blip, it was smooth sailing! He had me crying with a story about his dad (it is one year tomorrow that my dad passed away so it was even a bit more of a blub than usual) and, yes that is twice in one night, the ukulele version of over the rainbow.

He had us laughing with his video clips, jokes, audience participation and quick wit. Surely a man that can do all that while singing and dancing must at least occasionally, well, you know, dip his toe in the other pool.

But then he tried to go all girl on us and came out dressed up as, and singing a la, Peter Allen and all I could think was “damn, that is one straight dude”. Note, when he mentions he won an Oscar, you bitches better clap.

A few spectacular numbers later and he was back out in his regular garb high kicking like a Radio City Rockette and I was thinking “weeeeeeeeeeeellllll”. His ode to the great Musicals ~ Singing in the Rain, Sing Sing Sing etc. ~ also added a tick under the “my team” column.

Even if he is straight, not that there’s anything wrong with that, per se, he is one talented man. And oh what a man.

If you don’t already know, it is a 90 minute show (almost two hours really) and there is no intermission. I suggest a couple Queen Mother gin martinis before heading to the theatre. You don’t need the buzz but it helps Hugh keep his attention on you.

Friday, July 01, 2011

Entertainment Weekly!

I may not get my mash-up dream of Rufus and Amy but I am not wanting in the entertainment department, at least this week.

Kitkat and his blog are a building force to be reckoned with. He is now getting free tickets to shows and meals at restaurants due to his legion of loyal followers. I was his “plus 1” for the Toronto premier of 9 to 5 the musical at the North York Centre for the Performing Arts.

I had often heard of Dan’s Cap productions before but clearly didn’t pay much attention as I always that it was Dance Cap (not wondering what that could possibly mean). But there is actually a man named Dan and he wears a Cap and there you have it. He kicked off the evening by introducing the show and plugging other productions that were up and coming.

Stating that the show was “direct from Kansas” made me squirm a little in my seat and I was confused as to how that was a selling point. But free ticket in my pocket and Rickard’s Red buzz going on, I decided to just go with it. I LOVED the movie growing up and it did have Dolly Parton in it for goodness sake.

‘Live’, via jumbotron, she kicked off the show and I have to say I laughed at all the right bits and generally enjoyed it. ‘Backwoods Barbie’ was worked into the mix and aside from the actor that played Mr. Hart, I thought, for what my humble opinion is worth, the characters were rather good.

During the “how we would kill Mr. Hart” number, Violet looked like Jennifer Saunders dressed for a Madonna impersonation and I was hoping she would, just once, say “darling, sweety” but it was not meant to be. Oh well.

Kitkat also got hit on at intermission, by a doctor no less, but he was quickly dismissed. If you have the time and a spare $50, I don’t think I would pay more, I say head north and take it in!

And, just last night I got to see Ms. Russell Brand at the ACC and she was a treat indeed! IronMan was all over his iTouch the day tickets went on sale and we had quite good seats for the candy and cupcakes.

After seeing her perform on SNL and reading some of the reviews I set my expectations quite low. But when Papi asked me to rank the concert, I have to say she tied for second place with Madonna’s Girlie Show which is right behind the Spice Girls (and you all know how I feel about that!)

Katy was quirky, funny and at one point went floating by on a large pink cloud. Her costumes had motorized parts and she even played the guitar. The mother next to me was overly enthusiastic about the lyrics from ET “fill me with your poison” et al. She seemed to be encouraging her daughter a little more than she should have but then again, I guess “Two Become One” by the Girls was the same in its day.

Peacock was deliciously provocative with her white gloved dancers spraying their fingers from their loins when Katy said “come on take a shot” but the 14000 14 year old girls and their mother’s seemed to think it was fabulous. I hope you enjoy being grandmothers in your 30’s.

My only criticism, slight as it is, was that she missed an excellent opportunity to plug Toronto Pride when she was singing “You’re So Gay”. You could tell she wanted to say something but she then promised the parents in the audience that she would keep it PG.

Next week my entertainment really ramps up when I get to see Mr. Hugh Jackman live and in person. The Maltese Mama knows her way around the backstage at the theatre from her stocking of Nick Adams so I might get Hugh to autograph something for me!