THIEF!

As I drove home from yoga tonight, all peaceful and centered, I thought to myself how nice it would be to have a fresh tomato salad for dinner. Stopping by my little garden patch I was shocked, nay, horrified to find that someone had STOLEN my Lee Valley tomato stakes! I know that you are all just as shocked as I am.

Dozens of green tomatoes were left to rot on the ground. I salvaged as many as I could (cursing the prick and hoping his/her soul rotted in hell just like the Lycopersicon he/she left behind) and will be rewarded with a nice green tomato pie this weekend.

First Lucy gets broken into and then someone calls me queer. What is this world coming too? I hope the same person perpetrated all three heinous crimes as I do not want to live in a world with more than one BASTARD-PRICK-FACE-DUMD-ASS-STUPID-C-WORD walking around in it.

Again, whoever you are, you stink and I hope you die. Actually, give me my stakes back, get off your wallet you cheap bastard, go buy your own and then die.