Monday, January 23, 2006

I wouldn't eat a baby as Jonathan Swift suggests, but.....

Yoga weekend #5 has come and gone. Rather than tell you what flatulence inducing food we were fed, suffice it to say Friday’s dinner theme was Mexican and there was guacamole and bean dip, I thought I would talk about our philosophy class.

At one point, it was stated that there is no such thing a right and wrong, good or evil there just is. This however does not mean that you can do anything to anyone anytime you want. You should be governed by a sense of what is just and guided by your natural instincts. “For example” said our instructor “if you were on a bridge with a rock, a plant, a kitten and a baby and were told to throw one over, we would all choose the rock.” I look around the room and everyone was nodding. I said, in my head of course, “Now hold on one darn minute. Don’t dismiss the rock so quickly.”

Is this a rock as in “wow did you see the size of that rock on Robert’s finger?” (Minimum 1 ct. diamond set in platinum just in case you are stumped for my birthday. Thanks for asking.) Even if it’s not, rocks can serve a multitude of purposes. From simple tasks such as door stop, paperweight and boat anchor for my nautically inclined friends, to being used in construction. Ummmm hello, where would the pyramids, the Coliseum or the Parthenon be without rocks? No no, I think the rock stays.

As for the plant, don’t we need them to survive? What about the whole oxygen, carbon dioxide exchange deal? I am seeing a check-mark in the ‘keep’ column for the plant.

Now it gets a bit tricky. I am not a big fan of pussy or babies. While CJ has been away though, I have been looking after her pussies – both of them. Who knew they were so self sufficient? I could just leave out some water and food and those things were good for a couple days. My sister also has two great spokespeople, spokespussies I guess, that make me not want to load the kitten in a burlap sack with some stones and toss it off the bridge. Stones are such a close relation to rocks and you know how I feel about them. Plus I would miss saying pussy with such reckless abandon.

Now for the baby. I don’t like dirty diapers. I don’t like being spit up on. I don’t like having my sleep disturbed at all hours of the night by incessant crying. Sorry baby, things aren’t looking good for you right now. But I think the real deal breaker is all those Anne Geddes calendars, cards, books, and poster that are torture to look at and will end up as landfill.

Of course, having just come from a yoga weekend, I am not the type of person to hurl a baby off a bridge. I would just leave the car seat perched on the edge while I walked away with my pussy, oxygen and piece of pyramid, hoping for a strong wind.


Blogger Blair said...

I say throw Anne Geddes off the bridge - tres funny my dear!

5:39 PM  
Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

You should take some Beano before your next yoga weekend. DH was alright last night.

5:54 PM  
Blogger Shaz said...

Tut tut The poor baby

6:10 PM  
Blogger Lance Morrison said...

That's so horrible. Well said though.
Me, I'd toss the cat. Sorry Janet. Sorry Julie. Sorry Don. Sorry Rae. I just like kids more. I wonder if the whole 'land on their feet' thing happens on water too. Hmmmm.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

you were one a baby, ya know....noicy one, good thing no one was ever on the bridge with you facing such a choice.....

9:40 AM  
Blogger Robert Mitchell L.L. said... need to go read my entry about my dad hauling me out of the car with winnie the pooh. that was just over the Burlington Skyway, if he'd stopped on top I am not so sure I wouldn't have gone over. Come on, where is your Edward Gorey sense of humour?

4:01 PM  
Anonymous Alberta Cell Boy said...

at least Jonathan Swift's proposal was modest ... why has no one considered leaving all four behind and throwing yourself off ... no one thinks outside the box these days.

7:35 PM  
Blogger Robert Mitchell L.L. said...

Alberta cell boy better make himself scarce! I'd throw you off the bridge but I don't want to pollute the drinking water for the whole entire world.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Alberta Cell Boy said...

I didn't mean throw YOURSELF off ... i meant why isn't throwing ONESELF off an option. now why would i advocate throwing my Grapefruit safety-net off a cliff? that is just madness

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the most impressive thing is that you have read Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal which was anything but modest as one of your postings suggests- Swift's solution to the excess population and poverty problem in Ireland was that the Irish eat their nice juicy tender babies- lovely roasted.
auntie karen

5:29 AM  
Anonymous We are family said...

That's my boy! You keep the pussy and toss the baby!

6:34 PM  

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