I wouldn't eat a baby as Jonathan Swift suggests, but.....

Yoga weekend #5 has come and gone. Rather than tell you what flatulence inducing food we were fed, suffice it to say Friday’s dinner theme was Mexican and there was guacamole and bean dip, I thought I would talk about our philosophy class.

At one point, it was stated that there is no such thing a right and wrong, good or evil there just is. This however does not mean that you can do anything to anyone anytime you want. You should be governed by a sense of what is just and guided by your natural instincts. “For example” said our instructor “if you were on a bridge with a rock, a plant, a kitten and a baby and were told to throw one over, we would all choose the rock.” I look around the room and everyone was nodding. I said, in my head of course, “Now hold on one darn minute. Don’t dismiss the rock so quickly.”

Is this a rock as in “wow did you see the size of that rock on Robert’s finger?” (Minimum 1 ct. diamond set in platinum just in case you are stumped for my birthday. Thanks for asking.) Even if it’s not, rocks can serve a multitude of purposes. From simple tasks such as door stop, paperweight and boat anchor for my nautically inclined friends, to being used in construction. Ummmm hello, where would the pyramids, the Coliseum or the Parthenon be without rocks? No no, I think the rock stays.

As for the plant, don’t we need them to survive? What about the whole oxygen, carbon dioxide exchange deal? I am seeing a check-mark in the ‘keep’ column for the plant.

Now it gets a bit tricky. I am not a big fan of pussy or babies. While CJ has been away though, I have been looking after her pussies – both of them. Who knew they were so self sufficient? I could just leave out some water and food and those things were good for a couple days. My sister also has two great spokespeople, spokespussies I guess, that make me not want to load the kitten in a burlap sack with some stones and toss it off the bridge. Stones are such a close relation to rocks and you know how I feel about them. Plus I would miss saying pussy with such reckless abandon.

Now for the baby. I don’t like dirty diapers. I don’t like being spit up on. I don’t like having my sleep disturbed at all hours of the night by incessant crying. Sorry baby, things aren’t looking good for you right now. But I think the real deal breaker is all those Anne Geddes calendars, cards, books, and poster that are torture to look at and will end up as landfill.

Of course, having just come from a yoga weekend, I am not the type of person to hurl a baby off a bridge. I would just leave the car seat perched on the edge while I walked away with my pussy, oxygen and piece of pyramid, hoping for a strong wind.