Mums and Dadums would be so proud.

What parents wouldn’t be happy to hear their 30 something year old son declare “I found the perfect pink dress today.” Well I did. It’s not for me though. Not really. It’s for the cause. The cause that is the High Holy Day of Halloween. J’adore Halloween. For the last several years my costume theme has been famous women throughout history – with a somewhat gruesome twist. It all started with a headless Marie Antoinette (a classic and still one of my favourites) and was followed with Lizzie Borden - a bloody leg on an axe was my accessory. And, not a word of a lie, I had a one legged man tell me I had something that belonged to him and insisted on a picture with me. Then came Snow White after she killed the Seven Dwarfs - I am sorry, but no woman could live with 7 men and not snap. I had six little decapitated heads on a necklace around my neck and the seventh on the end of a big knife – classy. There was the Statue of Liberty (no blood or guts on that one), Amelia Earhart, after the plane crash – bits of class sticking out of my face and pieces of fuselage in my neck and finally, Scarlett O’Hara in her famous green velvet dress. 9 metres of velvet in that sucker and it was heavy!

This year my friend KitKat and I are doing a joint venture. I am to be Veruca Salt to his Willy Wonka. As a 6”1’ tall man in a pink dress and faux fur coat, I am sure it will be more like Willy Wonka and Willy Wack-o. But I don’t care. Let them say what they want. “Daddy, I want to be Veruca Salt!” The Oompa Loompa ruined this latest incarnation of Roald Dahl’s book in my humble opinion, but the costumes were too fabulous to pass up and KitKat is shoe in for Johnny Depp characters. His Edward Scissorhands earned him a first place prize last year. That ended badly though. With all that money burning a hole in his pocket, we drank too much and his Mummy ended up blowing McDonalds chunks in the back of my car. That was followed by his dancing with a lamp post and running a mile home as he was embarrassed. I can’t imagine why? That was some good McDonalds though.

I always set myself a budget for Halloween and always go over. Way over. Maybe I should become a contractor? Hmmmm? Anyway, Veruca doesn’t do budgets so why should I? As I only get to dress like a woman once a year though, I feel it is important to do it justice. I managed to secure a taxidermy squirrel for $47US on eBay (who knew road kill would be so expensive?) and finally found a dress and fur coat at the Goodwill. Little embarrassed that I have to get a size 16 to get my shoulders into it, but hey, I had to take the waist in a good 8 inches. All I need to do now is sew banana peels, tea bags and various other bits of trash to my costume. Did I not mention I am doing post-squirrel assault Veruca? Going to be great I tell you! Great. “Daddy, I want one of those squirrels!” Look out Halloween, here we come!