Try To Blend In Darling.....

Just had a WONDERFUL visit with Michael (who I met on Holy Island last year) and his husband, Andy. In the UK they are called ‘civil partners’ but we decided that sounds a little to much like a business merger as opposed to a marriage, so I will stick with husband.

As usual, having out of town guests forces one to do the ‘usual’ tourist things that one normally would not do. I can honestly say that the glass floor in the CN Tower nearly made me soil myself. Andy was the bravest of the three of us, next was Michael and then there was yours truly. The sign says the floor can hold the weight of 14 hippos but how the heck does CN know that? Do they actually test that theory? That 14th hippo shatters the floor and they order a sign? Did they actually kill 14 hippos to find this out? And was anyone standing at the bottom? And what does that mean anyway? How much does a hippo weigh? I swear that those three little kids jumping up and down next to me made the floor buckle. Why don’t they test the floor with children? Hippos are endangered and there are too many kids roaming free. I for one would have felt much better seeing a sign that read the floor would hold the weight of 20 fourth graders or something. Oh well.

We also hit Niagara Falls. I had never been on the Maid of the Mist (apparently when we went as kids I was too scared and stayed ashore with mother to do a spot of shopping, who would have guessed?) and was more than happy to partake. It was an impressive, if a little damp, wonder of the world. The blue ponchos provided leave a lot to be desired especially since they don’t reuse them. How un-environmental is that? I can say with certainty that Canada scored on our side of the falls. The US side is not-so-much.

Oh the drive down, we were all quite excited (well, Andy I were, Michael politely humored us) to see the tower where Marilyn met her end in the film Niagara. “There isn’t any other song”. Damn, love that woman. We even brought along a red dress and blond wig so we could recreate her final moment on screen. Unfortunately the bell tower now sits silent behind a Canada customs building. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Most disturbing of all however was the plethora of tack-o-rama souvenirs. I am not talking kitschy here either, just plain nasty. Is nothing made from wood anymore? Is a resin cigar store Indian really worth $2600? Honestly. I mean didn’t we buy Manhattan for $100 and some glass beads? Jokes on us now I guess.

We escaped the horror of Clifton Hill for the sanctuary that is Niagara on the Lake. Now, I think I enjoy a cocktail or two, wine with dinner and even the occasional shooter, but these boys from across the pond put me to shame. They were on holiday though, so they are entitled. We recovered from the bus loads of polyester clad tourists over a couple bottles of fine Canadian wine and some asparagus soup. That, I was too discover, was a light-weight night. There was one evening in particular where the three of us managed to consume five bottles of the nectar of the gods. Oh dear. That in conjunction with sleeping on an air mattress with a hole in it did not make for a pretty next day.

They have now parted our little piece of the globe and I miss them already. I look forward to seeing them again soon. Kisses to you both!