Thursday, August 17, 2006

I Wonder.........

Each day at work, when I had people reporting to me, I would send my peeps (Etobicoke is so ghetto) a daily update that included a quote of the day. Out of habit, I still visit the old quote website for my own daily inspiration. I have a Zen calendar but I often don’t understand it.

Yesterday’s quote was “A friend is someone who helps you move. A true friend is someone that helps you move a body.” After my initial Edward Gorey inspired giggle, I started to wonder who would help me move a body. You know, in case the situation called for it. I am big and strong now and could move one or two on my own, but one day I might need help. Did I say that out loud? Oh dear. Anyway, here is my list:

The Boyfriend: Probably would not help with the body. He doesn’t like bugs so I am thinking a corpse is off limits. That, plus that fact that if he breaks anything else or forgets to put the pillowcases in the wash again the body being moved will be his.

KitKat: Definitely would be game. Although I think, for some reason, it would be me helping him move a body. (And I would do it too darling)

Lord Fauntleroy: Tough call. He has a nice roomy car, so even if he turned a blind eye and gave me the keys that would be appreciated. Mind you, all his lab experience has numbed him to gore and he likes Twin Peaks, so I think I could count on him.

CJ: No choice. She is family. She has to help. She would cry from me yelling at her, but she would help.

The Girls in the Dollhouse: The Italian one for sure. It is second nature to those mafia types. The Pink Lady? I would have to say no. She wouldn’t want to get blood on her Fleuvogs. She is mighty good in the garden though, so maybe she could dig the hole.

CPB: He can barely carry himself around let alone another dead weight. He would be there in spirit though.

The Italian Stallion: I hate to paint all Italians with the same “mafia” brush, but I will. He also knows how to pour concrete so at the very least I could have him unwittingly cover the body over.

LSC: She didn’t like it when I used to grab her knees, so I think if I handed her one to carry, she would say no.

Momo: She let’s me call her Momo and she calls me Bobo. We’ve known each other since the 7th grade. If she said no, she would, at the very least, come visit me in jail.

I promise not to ever put any of you in this situation, but just in case, have your gloves and shovels ready.


Anonymous CPB said...

i'll have you know i excel at moving bodies ... i think .... ahem

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think I would need your help with the body - though I would call you in for sure when it came time to clean up!


9:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about your mother who would do just about anything for you. The big word here being just. What a gruesome subject dahling.

5:07 AM  
Anonymous dollhouse diva said...

I can't believe you think that the Italian one would be more useful in this situation! She wakes me up at two in the morning to kill centipedes! Whereas I handled the disposal of the possum corpse without even a blink. Speaking of moving (corpses or whatever else you have crammed into that little apartment), the dollhouse gals are available to carry on demand.

5:32 AM  
Blogger Lance Morrison said...

I may not be available to move a body, but .... I'd have the house all clean when you got home, and a nice roast in the oven. MAybe some Yorkshire pudding?
You'd need to recharge after all that murder and mayhem, I should think, and seeing as we are getting into colder weather, a roast beef dinner is just hte thing.

5:55 AM  
Blogger Robert Mitchell L.L. said...

Of course I can count on you mother....just like Norman Bates did with his mother...hee hee....dollhouse diva..I was only thinking of your shoes....I forgot about the bug thing....she and the boyfriend would really be no help at all...not even dig the hole what with all the worms and stuff...okay, I changed my mind, you come help.....

10:05 AM  
Blogger Lance Morrison said...

Um... you sound like you're plotting. Do you need to tell me anything?...

Does this have anything to do with the recent Life Insurance policy you've taken out on me?

Is everyone else in on it but me? I thought your mother liked me?

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Robert, I'm insulted that you wouldn't think to ask me to help you move a body. So much so, that I have been looking into dark alleys and such trying to find one to test your loyalty. LMM

4:15 PM  
Blogger Callooh said...

yes, fine. don't include me either.

move your own damn body. see if I care. hope you get bugs, blood and guts all over you.

and what the hell is a comment about dead body moving doing on a zen calender - you need to shop somewhere new.

9:11 PM  

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