Pen and Paper

As my mother prepares to occupy her new abode, she is feverishly, without much prodding I admit, clearing out her current residence.

Amongst her 'treasures' are various artworks, letters, school projects and crafts that her children had made for her in their youth.

Apparently I was a huge fan of summer camp and putting pen to paper while I was there. Below is a sample of my handiwork. When my mother handed it to me, she indicated that my flair for the dramatic goes way back. From air cadet camp, 1984:

Hi Parents, Brother and Sister.

I'm sorry to say it but this is the only letter you'll be getting from me because the other envelope was burned by the bunch of ASSHOLES I am bunking with.

I'm writing this letter today because tomorrow I am going gliding and you'll probably never see or hear from me again.

Say goodbye to Aunt Shila and Uncle Duck for me and to all my lovely relatives and cousins. (I don't know what mother is referring to when she says I am dramatic. Honestly now.)

Mom, the day I get home you better have a huge meal for me because the food here gives me heart burn, food poisoning and a million other things, but not a full stomach. (Food snob even back then.)

Julie, I hope you're having fun doing my papers. There are a couple guys here I think you'd like. I'll try and get some pictures of them. (WOW - soooo missed the mark on that one!)

Dad, I don't have much to say to you because it's all been said, accept (sic) that despite all the bad point, I am really enjoying camp.

Hi Mark, for once I can say I honestly miss you and Julie. Here, it's like living with a bunch of uncle Georges, without the funny part of him. (Not sure what THAT means??) If Dirk's (our neighbour) staying in my room, say hi to him, but if rips down any pictures of Boy George I'll rip down his face - HA HA. (And the pictures of the cute boys were for who again???)

Sorry about this letter being late, but we get very little free time here.

I've made one enemy who I dearly hate (not just hate you see, but dearly hate) and his name is Webber. He's a big B _ _ _ _ _ _!

Not the most pleasant ending but we're getting yelled at so I gotta go, bye.

Your son, brother & friend.

Classic!