To Sit or Stand?

I know this another toilet paper related story close on the heels of “prairie doggin’ it” but it needs to be told. Still not sure why I laughed when I heard it, but it is an odd one to say the least.

First, a free piece of advice, the movie RENT - DON”T! Don’t rent it, buy it, see it or do anything with it except maybe back over it with a steam roller. I know it was the voice for a generation of Rent-heads but it was like watching Mick Jagger still trying to be the voice of his generation. Oh wait, bad example.

That really has nothing to do with this story other than that was what Mr. Underpants, Alberta Boy, Diamond Don and I were watching on said evening. Don and I were waiting for the arrival of our companions for the evening. When they showed up Alberta Boy made a b-line for the WC only to emerge seconds later with a distressed look on his face. It suddenly dawned on Mr. Underpants that he had run out of toilet paper that morning and had forgot to purchase some on the way home. As he put on his winter gear and headed out I suggested that Alberta Boy just use some Kleenex or paper towels in the meantime. Problem solved.

Since this rather frivolous conversation was on the table, Don contributed his two cents worth stating “you won’t believe what happened to my toilet paper the other day.” What can happen to it really? Our faces must have begged the question for he proceeded to tell us that the other day while sitting, having run out what was on the roll, he reached around to grab a spare roll that was on the toilet tank. “The entire thing fell in the bowl and was ruined” he explained.

I have to say, curiosity got the better of me and I asked him how that was possible. Would it not just hit your back and fall on the floor? Or get wedged between you and the tank? Apparently not if you stand to wipe.

The three of us exchanged stunned glances. Stand? The first picture to pop up in my mind was something like a hot dog bun being filled with Nutella and smooshing it closed. (Sorry, that is as clean as I can make it while still getting my point across). Don was equally shocked to learn that we all lean to one side or the other (depending on whether or not you are right or left handed) to wipe. This also has the added advantage of keeping things open and spread for cleaner job. Not mention that it is pretty much guaranteed that you will get the TP into the bowl and not on the floor.

I have done an informal survey since that evening and am pleased to report that I am not alone in my method and that others are as equally perplexed by this entire standing phenomenon. It is one of those things, like religion and politics, that I probably really shouldn’t discuss, but must admit that this one has the better of me. For the record, I have not tried ‘the stand’.