Tuesday, September 19, 2006

With friends like these......

Not that I have any enemies (that I know of), but if I did, I would modify the age old expression to “With friends like these, my enemies better watch out!”

My August 17th entry “I Wonder….” seems to have rallied the troops and I apparently underestimated the number of those who would help me out of a sticky situation. In addition to my original list, I can now add:

Mother. I naturally assumed that she would stand by my side (as I grabbed one leg of the corpse, she would take the other) should the need call for it. She kept (and still keeps) three relatively well behaved children in line and must protect her investment. After all, what would the neighbors say if I got caught? She also has ready access to the Grand River and numerous farmers fields; excellent places to conceal a body.

My sister-in-law. Apparently she has been searching the alleys and laneways of Fenelon Falls for a body to test my loyalty. Bit of a drive dear, but I would be game. Just make sure it’s fresh. If anything would get me, it would be the smell. Not really a fair advantage though, your husband is a higher up in the local police department. He could make all sorts of things disappear in that neck of the woods. I am picturing an ABC movie of the week. “The Case of the Pink Glove Murders - A small town housewife and her gay brother-in-law try to outwit local authorities.” And PS, if you want practice, borrow your beau’s gun.

Shaniqua. A co-worker who apparently wants on the help-Bobby-move-a-corpse bandwagon. What can I say baby, bring it on. Glad to have your support. And since you did just move, you have lots of boxes. Any good size coffin shaped ones? We would need to line them with plastic first but we could do an entire “Rear Window” theme.

My cousin Ruth (aka Callooh). Much like CJ, she is family and really, if I called on her, would have no choice but to help. She lives in Chicago and what is one more body on the streets there? As long as we made it look like a mob hit, they would think it was Al Capone. He, much like Elvis, is still alive despite all the reports to the contrary.

Then there was a text from Michael from across the pond. Now THAT is dedication. Flying across the Atlantic to help me! I can just picture him at customs. “What is your business in Canada sir?” “Oh I am here to help my friend move a body.” I bet they haven’t heard that one before. Actually, I think a transatlantic cruise would be better. Dump it overboard at night with a few bricks to weigh it down and no one would find it. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Honey, about that life insurance……….


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sure your Uncle Gary would help as well...

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...........in the pines,in the pines - where the sun never shines- okay the cedars- but I know a large bog in the woods covered in ferns where a body would just suck down and down and the ferns fill in immediately overhead- trailer on the lawn tractor will get you there with the body and the diggin is easy..............how do i know all this?
love karen

5:24 AM  
Blogger Lance Morrison said...

Again with the life insurance.

There are quite a few easier ways to get rid of me than to enlist all our friends in disposing of my body... although; none of them will get you rich.

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

....A Co-Worker..??? Baby I am not just a co-worker I am your bosom friend (Can I say bosom?)

I got your back baby cos I am sure someone else has your front & side... You are not just a co-worker to me.. You are Bobby ...aka my friend.

Shaniqua aka BGB - Baby Got back...hee he

1:48 AM  

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