Budget Mariah

I don’t even know where to begin….. all I can say is that the best part of tonight’s Mariah Carey concert was the gin martini I had with dinner before the show. Four of us met at BIFF’s before the show and partook of the Winterlicious menu. We rushed through our meal for no apparent reason. Showtime on the tickets was 7:30 but BK said there was no need to hurry ourselves based on her past experience with Mariah shows. Lord was she right.

Arriving at 7:35 we found our seats and were pleasantly surprised to have the lights go down just as we arrange our coats and tucked into our Smirnoff Ice. By 7:36 I realised why Mariah married Nick Cannon; she has access to a ready supply of C rated America’s Got Talent reject dancers. Seriously, I had better choreography to “I’ll Tumble For Ya” back in 1983.

7:51 rolled around and the pre-show got somewhat interesting as a rather buff boy peeled off his shirt. 5 seconds after that, he scurried off stage. Then the lights came back up and TWO HOURS later her majesty decided to grace us with her presence. The ‘intermission’ soundtrack was Michael Jackson and on the third play of the same album people started to boo while others gave up and left.

Her ‘show’ was less than 90 minutes and, how shall I put this, was crap. First, I think she picked up her set from a sale of the Wedding Singer movie. Second, her dancers, as mentioned, were B-A-D. Has this woman ever seen a Madonna, Kylie or Spice Girls show? Mariah, I know you like the spotlight, but your backup singers should frame you, not shame you. And what is with your FlashDance fascination?

Oh, and that 90 minutes included a Michael Jackson tribute by Big Nasty. And trust me, it was nasty. Your delay was longer than your concert lady – SING YOURSELF! I think I have a bad rep for being tardy but compared to Mariah, even my gay time is early.

I have now lost count, but my next point is this, it is NOT cute that you have your make-up artist and hair stylist come on stage to make you ready for your close-up. When did you sweat exactly? You were reclined on a chaise lounge half the time. Also, that does not make you a diva, it makes you obnoxious. If you want to be a diva, you need more feathers in your costume. I’ve had more on a pride costume than that boa.

And as for constantly returning to your drinks table for “tea”, Liza with a ‘Z’ beat you to that gag a long time ago Mariah with no ‘stage presence’.

I cannot even believe I waited to unveil my new Pull and Bear t-shirt for that. So mad!