Phil McKraken

Well now, let’s see….what has happened since last I wrote?

I plumbed for one. IronMan made a fine assistant as I scurried under my kitchen sink this past foul weathered Saturday. With only one extra trip to Canadian Tire (I forgot the silicone sealant) I installed my new chrome finished Plymouth faucet with no leaks! It comes with a 48” hose. Now I like a big hose, but really, that seems a little excessive.

Not only did I discover my handiness with a wrench and plumbers tape, but also my new pet peeve. At least while I am at work. People, come on, why do you insist on having conversations in doorways? Know what, you have your coffee. Maybe someone else would like in the kitchen so they can get some too. ‘Cause without it, you just might find yours going down the front of your pants. Man, and I don’t even drink coffee.

Can’t decide on whether you want to go to the lobby or the main part of the floor. I can, and I need to get to my desk. So move your backside from the black box thingy where I have to swipe my security pass. You can give your Tim Horton’s order standing in the elevator lobby just as easily.

But please, not in front of the elevator door itself. I know it’s Mississauga and TTC protocol probably means nothing to you. But let the people OFF FIRST. And once you’re on don’t hold the door so you can chat. You aren’t the president of elevator world where you can do whatever you want. Gosh.

And you know that Slap Chop, Sham Wow guy? I find him more attractive than I probably should. The man makes a good pitch, what can I say?

I also learned that in the movie Clash of the Titans, when Apollo says “release the kraken”, he should have said “release the krappy movie”. Mission accomplished Apollo, mission accomplished. Sam Worthington didn’t even take his shirt off once. Not once. Although the sarong did wonders for his legs.

In other movie news, Tina Fey stole my ex-boyfriends now famous “it’s not the blood, it’s just the cranberry” line. Substitute cabernet for cranberry, and there you go. That was not a good night, but I learned two valuable lessons. One, a goatee and excessive amounts of alcohol do not mix (you thought holding your girlfriends hair back was bad?) and two, pants made of PVC retain just about anything that lands in the pockets. For days. Food for thought.