A Tale of Two Cities

Really, it is one city, but two different neighbourhoods. There are parallels between this tale however and that of the book. One is relatively calm and quiet while in the other you are as likely to have your head lobbed off as not. I exaggerate of course but this week I did noted a difference between the east and west ends of Toronto.

My east end story goes a little something like this; two boys were looking after a friends moose (a puppy really, but so big she has been given the aforementioned nickname). Although said animal resides in the west end, she is famous throughout the entire city. The boys were walking about with their pet-for-a-day and wanting to spoil her silly, took her to bark and fitz in the beach.

Dropping her name in the store, the lady behind the counter said, “oh is that the dog named after the bird in the movie ‘Up’? I said it was and she went on to say that she had heard all about her.

Celebrity dog in tow, we headed to Meat on the Beach (see what they did there?) to grab a little something for dinner. No dogs allowed of course, so I stood outside while IronMan fetched salmon for me and steak for himself and moose.

Meat is one of those impeccably kept and presented little stores that you pay through the nose at. Giving it its due however, I must say, fabulous. Outside they have the latest produce of the season on display in their vintage GM truck and this time of year includes concord grapes.

I was having a good time people watching and listening to the conversations of others while I should have been minding my own bees wax. I was not standing there very long, but still managed to hear someone refer to his Johnson (at least I assume that is what he was referring to given the context) as “the chief” and a mother drop the f-bomb twice as she pushed her toddler along in an over-priced pram.

What put a smile on my face though was the girl who excitedly turned to her friend while pointing at the concord’s and stated “oh, those grapes taste just like wine”. Really dip shit? What’s next, apples that taste like apple juice or oranges that taste like orange juice?

Glad that kabala string didn’t last very long….so much better to judge.

Back in the west end, others were busy with more worthwhile, though illegal, activities. While I judged the mental intellect and inane comments of others, someone was judging concrete steps on ninth street…..and mine won!

I know I should be proud and happy that my step won. Chest puffed out, free cigars and all that, but I kind of wish I had lost and kept my step.

Yes folks, someone was so desperate, and obviously in the middle of a construction project, that during the night they stole my stair! At first my neighbour and I thought each other, for some bizarre reason, had moved it. No.

Drunk punk prank? Smashed to bits in the middle of the road or made off with only to discover it’s too heavy to make it worth while? No.

Just gone. Sunday night there, Monday morning, not-so-much. Thankfully my urn and hydrangea were left in a non pillaged state (and are now chained to my post) but I have to worry about the mailman twisting his ankle.

On the plus side, it is a ‘common element’ so the condo corporation has to replace it and I finally see a positive to that $188 maintenance fee!