Monday, June 13, 2011

Whirlwind Winnipeg Weekend

The Diva is now a married lady and I am tired. Friday at 6:45 AM, Blue Girl from the dollhouse whipped me off to the airport and by 8:00 I was airborne. Not me alone you understand, but I was in a plane that was in the air.

IronMan had packed me a little snack pack for the trip. I truly appreciated that as I viewed the Air Canada menu. They seem to think $6.50 for a very substandard egg McMuffin is perfectly reasonable. I would like to know why an egg, an English muffin and paper thin slice of what they call 'ham' should cost more than a beer? I can get a buzz for $6 and gut rot for $6.50. Hmmmmm...what to do?

Once my feet were back on the ground, I was greeted by Kitkat and his ever so charming parents. They whisked me off to the Pancake House where I enjoyed scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and a bagel for, are you listening Air Canada, for $8.99! Just because you have people by the short and curlys doesn't mean you need to twist it for pleasure.

It was a stitch cool but I was told it was best to enjoy it. Apparently you get about two good weeks of summer in the Peg before Buick sized mosquitoes have you running from building to building.

Apres breakfast we went to the Fort Garry Hotel. Like all the great railway hotels of her day, the public rooms are grand, sumptuous and decadent. The four gays from Toronto were notably impressed. The guest rooms are in desperate need of an update and we quickly discussed what needed to be done to bring them up to snuff.

But they were clean, nice and bright and the pillow top mattresses made everything alright. Kitkat and I shared 206. We wanted 202 but it only had a queen bed and I need a king. 202 is apparently haunted by a lady who hung herself in the closet shortly after the hotel opened.

Why you would pick a tiny little closet when there were so many fantastic ballrooms, bars and quaint little antechambers is beyond me. Heck, even the banister running up the centre of the hotel would give you more space to spook.

We hoped to encounter the ghost as she moved through the rooms on the way to 202 and maybe we did. But as Kitkat pointed out, spirits, ghouls and goblins could have been jumping on our beds, but after 7 hours of an open bar, we didn't notice.

Kitkat is convinced that the haunted nonsense is a marketing ploy as there is no historical account of any one story on record and those that are seem flimsy at best. For example, as a thank you, so legend has it, the hotel invited all the workers and their families to spend a night in the hotel and, depending on the version you hear, the woman did her closet swan song.

Fauntleroy was quick to point out that in 1913 you were lucky to get a shilling for a days wage let alone a night in a luxury hotel. One interesting story about a ghostly encounter at the Fort Garry was documented by 'Alicebathedinblood.'

I have said it before and I will state it for the record again, I am NOT a parent. Alice bathed in blood - I get that. Vampires are all the rage; I like True Blood and am a tent pitching member of Camp Jacob. But booking your 15 year old daughter, who I assume you know has a boyfriend, a night in a hotel? That seemed like a good idea?

Alice also says, twice I might add, that she stayed in room 202 BUT had to "walk up the many flights of stairs to the 6th floor where the room was." Really Alice? Ever been in a hotel before? Maybe you should stay home and do your math homework.

Wow. Tangent. Kilt around my waist, we headed for the church for a truly amazing wedding. Diva is an opera singer and she stacked that church with professional musicians and singers and it was FAB-U-LOUS. She looked, as usual, gorgeous and the weather couldn't be better.

Rice flung, man with the backside of his pants split open informed and subsequently bundled off, bride & groom off in the wedding car we started the hunt for a cab. Winnipeg is no Toronto or NY when it comes to hailing a taxi. They are available at hotels, malls and the airport but forget about flagging one down; especially if two in your party are dressed in kilts.

To help pass the time Fauntleroy tripped a child who happened to look at him and his outfit the wrong way. Mean to be sure, but once it was ascertained there was no permanent damage done, except maybe to the sidewalk where his melon landed, it was worth a good chuckle.

A couple of cocktails and a verbal redecoration of the lobby bar later we made our way to 7th heaven, a.k.a. the 7th floor (that is where all the rooms that start with the number 7 are Alice) for the reception.

The bar was open, the food was excellent (at least I think it was by way of the gin) and Kevin the singer could sing the pants off a snake (that’s a thing right?) Aside from me hearing “Costco” instead of “Moscow” when I asked a table mate where she got her ring, I managed not to embarrass myself too horribly.

I was late to bed but early to rise, I was in the gym by 8:00 and after a more-than-I-should-have buffet, I was off to even loftier heights ~ 10Spa. More on the hamam tomorrow as I have prattled on just about enough now.

But, after 3 hours there, Kitkat and I zoomed off with his parents yet again for some shopping and then dinner at one of Winnipeg’s many casinos. Who knew the Aztecs were famous for their prime rib special? Not I. No sir, not I.

Saying no to the slots, we left his parents to their one armed bandits and took in X-Men First Class. You had me with Kevin Bacon and his chocolate but then you lost me with the flying submarine.

Another 8:00 AM flight got us back to Toronto in time to drop our bags (and do a load of laundry) before heading to the ACC for the Glee concert! As with the hamam, I will detail that experience later.

But I will leave you with this, Air Canada, whether in the air or at the foot of Yonge St. likes to stick it to people when it comes to beer prices. $6 on the plane and $12 at the ACC, you rob the people! And you wonder why I wear a boot flask.


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