Sunday, March 04, 2012

Also Gay....

Just back from a second weekend of hunting. As a follow-up to last week's post, here are some other things, while not officially stated as 'gay' were not well received by a group of hunters:
  • sucking ones teeth like Bon Qui Qui and saying "girrrrrrrrl, you crazy."
  • sucking ones teeth like Bon Qui Qui and saying "biiiiiiitch, you crazy."
  • any references to Bon Qui Qui
  • Springform cake pans (but they scarfed down the Martha Stewart cinnamon-streusel coffee cake that was in it!)
  • my totey awes abrevs a la Penny from Happy Endings. Not surprising were the looks of disappointment when I explained the Happy Endings I was referring to is a wick awes TV show and not what you get at the end of a rub n' tug. More bewildering were the inquisitive stares when the penny, of the coin variety, dropped on the fact that I wasn't making an offer.
  • gingham table clothes, picnic baskets or matching place settings
That last one needs a little explanation. Usually, 6'8" (I have a cousin that tall so I shall refer to him as such) takes it upon himself to feed our merry gun toting band. We are sustained by a wide variety of yummy game meats in forms such as venison sausage, moose burgers, goose & pork potpie etc.
As we were going to be out a few times over the past week, I offered to take care of lunch on Friday. From previous posts, you'll note that when I eat in the great outdoors, I pack an assortment of baskets, bins, packs, and totes to make the experience more enjoyable.
Well let me tell you, when the wicker basket landed on the pallet table, all eyes turned. And when the red and white check tablecloth fluttered into place as gracefully as the geese we were going after, the snickering began.
No matter, I paid no heed and soon had them slurping up my goose leg goulash by the bowlful. The food was a success and I think I have set a new standard.
On the other hand, things they do like very much indeed:
  • Farting
  • Beer
  • Repeatedly, at nauseum really, singing one line from a song you claim to hate. i.e. "I'm sexy and I know it."
  • Using the f-bomb, and its derivatives f**king & f**ked, as a noun, adjective, verb and adverb. One must use these terms liberally throughout each and every sentence you deliver.
  • To really make a point, toss in the occasional c**ksucker for good measure.
Don't get me wrong, I know some stories call for the use of a well placed expletive, but as every other word in a sentence and my ears start to bleed.
Oddly, as soon as IronGirl walked on the scene, she was our goose flusher par excellence, the above 'like' list went into immediate remission and everyone was a perfect gentleman. But as soon as she rounded the corner, it was like a curse release valve was engaged and it was time to play catch up.
As the seasoned is now closed, the geese are safe until September. That gives me 6 months to tone down my new found potty mouth and decide if my next strategic move is the introduction of champagne at lunch or an appetizer platter.
My dreams of a Gosford Park hunting weekend will come true one day!


Blogger Blair said...

You need to start a gay tweed hunt. Surely you can't be the only homosexual out there with an urge to pack heat!

2:28 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home