Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Seven Year Lie

Heads up, this one might have a faint smell of vanity. I don’t recall where or when I first heard it, but I know that I have. They say, and so does Google, that every seven years you get a new body. That is, every cell in your body is changed over a seven year period. The debate is still on about the personality, but I want to argue the body B.S.

I am not due for a change for 3 years. At 42 I was expecting to see a big changed in my carcass. But since my 39th birthday I have been falling apart! What gives? Hello cell changing people, would you ease off already? I need to write a letter to gravity.

Was it exposure to the sun in PV08? Is it lack of sleep? Is it, God forbid, the gin? The miracle of Crème de la Mer used to erase the fine lines around the eyes. Lately however, I feel like I have more crow’s feet on my face than Tippi Hedron did in the birds. And they won’t go away! Now I am not so deluded as to think I didn’t have them before, but now they are there at every turn! And my once perky cheeks (both sets) don’t shine with the youthful vitality they once did.

Maybe it is the face crack? Could that be doing it? PV08SFVF, is it happening to you too?

The other day doing a high lunge in yoga class, I noted an abundance of stretch marks on my hips and thighs too! Where is the justice? Where is the justice I ask! I look after myself, exercise daily, eat well and this is what I get?

And to top it all off, in preparation for Grapefruit this Friday, I pulled on my $5 jeans and had a muffin top! WHAT? I know. God. I swear in less than a week my train has jumped the rails.

Much like Blanche Dubois in Streetcar, I fear that I shall now have to retreat further into the shadows, install dimmers on more lights in my house and only go out at night. “I was young once. And now look at me! I am this short, bald, middle aged thing”. “I made you short?” That one is for Janet and The Pink Girl.

I have to go now. People my age need sleep. And lots of it.


Anonymous Embryo said...

i did find the face crack a bit drying ... but no crow's feet. People my age have an immunity i suppose

please don't kill me when i see you tomorrow :)

now you may want you may want to define what face crack is just to avoid ... well ... people thinking it's real crack ... it wasn't was it???

8:13 PM  
Blogger Blair said...

Oh lord. You still have a body that men half your age would love to get their hands on. Morticians of course...but still.... :)

You are thin and gorgeous sweetie - don't you worry!

3:01 PM  

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