Friday, August 31, 2007

Welcome to the Neighbourhood

Things are really starting to come together in my new place. As mentioned in “Barn Raising”, the lion’s share of work is complete. There are still pictures to hang, area rugs to place and little touch ups all about. The one room that I can say is finished is my bedroom. More than that, I nailed it! I mean, that room is perfect if I do say so myself.

Everything from the fabric wall (despite nailing the frame to the floor more than once) to the bedding, it is gorgeous. The day I finished my masterpiece, all the stars seemed to align. The hot humid weather we were having was replaced by a lovely, cool, essence-of-fall evening. I cracked the window, dropped the black out curtains and pulled the freshly laundered sheets tightly about my neck.

I drifted off to for what I hoped would be a tranquil night’s sleep in my new tomb like abode. Apparently, leaving the window open was not a good idea. About 2:30 in the morning I was wretched from my slumber by the most disturbing noises. Fumbling with my glasses, I peeled back the drapes to see three collegiate type hooligans out in the street. Normally I would be quite excited at the prospect of three such men being so close to my lair. For you Seinfeld fans, remember the one where Racquel Welch got in a fight with Elaine and everyone thought the cat-fight would be hot? I would like to think something similar would happen on my doorstep, but not at such an ungodly hour.

Anyway, one of them was in much worse shape than the other two. He was resting his arms on the back of his car making sick all over the ground and his shoes. One of his ‘friends’ laughed and snapped pictures on his cell phone while the other just stood there. Up-chucking complete, the unfortunate collapsed. For those of you who are fans of Jack-Ass, I must admit, it is a guilty ‘pleasure’, you will ‘appreciate’ what happened next.

The fool with the camera phone, started to urinate on his now prostrate friend. Classy. The statue like on-looker stepped in to remind the dimwit that he had to drive the now pee soaked friend home. I left my reality TV show – Frat-house Boys Gone Wild – for a commercial break as nature had called.

Upon my return, it was like Arnold Schwarzenegger a la Eraser had been there. The boys were gone and so were their three cars. Not sure if puke/pee drove himself or if there had been a fourth lurking in the shadows. I managed to quickly get back to sleep and did not really suffer any ill effects from the sensory assault. There is a really gross climax to this story, so if this has been off putting for you so far, STOP now. You have been warned. The next morning, as I showered and prepped for work, I heard yet another melee taking place outside. Apparently John Kruger (Arnold’s character in Eraser) realized he had left some evidence behind and sent in a clean-up crew - of pigeons and seagulls!! There was much ado about, how shall I call it? Sick. I shouldn’t complain really, saved me a trip with a mop and bucket.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

If it ain't fittin, it just ain't fittin!

So there I was. Minding my own business and I was verbally assaulted. I had gone out roller blading and as I passed an on-coming truck, I was called queer! I couldn’t believe it. My delicate little ears died a little that day. It’s not like I was in my shorty shorts or anything. I had on longer type shorts and a t-shirt. Not even a tank top. But a t-shirt even.

If I had been wearing hot pants and was sans shirt, my perfectly chiseled body glistening with perspiration as I whisked along Lakeside Drive, then I would understand. But this was rude and uncalled for!

As far as I remember there wasn’t even a particularly gay song on my iPod. Even if there was, they wouldn’t have been able to hear it! I know I was going up hill so I couldn’t even have been doing a little jig or anything.

I find some comfort in the fact that the person is as dumb as they are ignorant. After tossing the insult out the window, they pulled into a building parking lot. As I went on my merry (Mary?) way, I thought about what a coward he must be to say that and then skulk off to the protection of underground parking. Although underground is clearly where this type of critter is most at home.

You can well imagine my surprise then, when on my return trip, I saw the offender’s vehicle in the guest parking lot. Instantly my mind went to going home and writing a note to place on the windshield. It was going to go something like:

“Dear Dumb-Ass, if you are ignorant enough to call someone queer, at least be smart enough not to park your car in a public space where they can find it. Even a fag knows how to use a tire iron to loosen lug nuts and cut brake cables. Have a nice drive. PS – it takes one to know one.”

In such situations however, it is best to write the note, get it out of your system and move on. There is enough negative energy in the world as it is. I toyed with the idea of at least getting the license plate number and reporting him, but upon my return to the scene of the crime, dumb-ass and his truck were both gone.

It will take time for this wound to heal. Luckily, I have my knitting and quilt making to keep me busy.

Monday, August 13, 2007

A Barn Raising Party

Yes, yes Kitkat. I know I have a lot to write about but the summer offers so many distractions. I admit that I have been a bit of a laggard. But between Bocci and non-Bocci days, Jann Arden, trips to Buffalo, the Highland Games, blading, biking, moving, painting, the new Harry Potter book etc, there have not been any spare moments.

None-the-less, you are correct in that I do have much to blog about. The biggest reason for the delay has been the moves (plural) this summer. What with the boyfriend heading back downtown, then my move and the delay in carpet installation, I haven’t had time to set up my computer.

With the dust beginning to settle, I will now put fingers to keys as I return to a familiar theme – one of many thanks! I have joked about friends helping me move bodies and other such silliness, but this one is said with the utmost sincerity.

I am of the ilk that likes things a certain way. “Picking away at things” over a period of time is not something I am very good at. Although thanks to the help of “How to be Free” and “How to be Idle” I am slowly getting better. When it came time to move however, I found myself with two weeks between taking possession of my house and vacating the apartment. That sounded like plenty of time to paint, lay cork floors, bamboo floors, carpet and paint. Wrong!

Well wrong to a certain degree anyway. I put out the call and got help in spades. I had a team of flooring experts show up. My sister and I handled the cork floor. Translation – I snapped two pieces together, they didn’t fit just as I wanted so I was ready to quit. My calm, patient, level headed sister saw otherwise and within hours had installed a truly beautiful floor. It is now behind a velvet rope for fear that someone might scratch it.

On the bamboo side of things, I had my sister (again), my father, my Uncle Ralph and his partner Fred. My dad has an air pig, Home Depot had the nailer (but not the nails) and they all had the skill and patience to make it happen. My mother chipped in as well by showing up with a picnic lunch fit for a king that even accommodated my vegetarian-for-July diet. I now have an environmentally friendly wood floor that makes my furniture pop.

KitKat heard the cry for help when it came to stripping wall paper. I think one of the hardest things, for me anyway, about asking for help is not being there in person. As he spritzed and pulled paper, I was helping with the floor. I felt bad abandoning him alone while I was off doing something else. But not a word of complaint and he even came back to help me install my fabric wall.

Pink Girl from the dollhouse was there to help paint and let the carpet layers in. CJ helped prime and paint as did Anna Banana. My bathroom is fabulous thanks to those girls!

Then there was the move itself. Again, I had more people than I knew what to do with. Even the dollhouse girls who couldn’t be there in person went to the house and put out food for lunch to make sure we didn’t go hungry! There was a mountain of food, drinks and snacks for all. As I have an affection for solid wood furniture (including a 300 lb, 9 foot pillar) and cast iron, it was not an ‘easy’ move. I have never been practical when it comes to furniture selection. Buy now, figure out where it will go and how to ship it later.

Undaunted, Fauntleroy, KitKat (bad back and all), my sister (yet again), Mr.Chung and the dollhouse girls (for the morning) all showed up and tolerated my, ummmm, ‘particular’ instructions on how to handle each piece in order to avoid scratches, dents and the like.

And then of course, there were the ‘few little bits’ left in the apartment that I was sure would fit into one, maybe two, loads of Lucy. Wrong again. The Boyfriend, my sister (yes, AGAIN) and I spent a good couple hours riding the elevator taking odds and sods over to the new pad. The apartment was cleaner than when we had arrived and I am sure the new tenants appreciated the Boyfriend’s efforts along with those of Mr. Clean.

Not sure how to close this entry other than to say “Thank You”, “I love you” and “I owe you all BIG time.” The house-warming is coming!!!!!