Nobody's Got No Class.

Sorry for the gap between entries. Have been enjoying life a lot lately. New job, PRIDE week, new (old) boyfriend, friends visiting from the UK. At least I am getting fodder for more blogging.
Anyway, all my joy and pleasure has been tempered by the flagrant lack of manners and common courtesies demonstrated by society nowadays. I don’t mean to get on a soap box here, but if everyone were a little more aware of those around them, I think we would all get along famously. As it is however, people seem to live in little bubbles and think their actions don’t impact those around them.

Last week during my yoga class, I had everyone stretching, lunging and reaching into the perfect Warrior I posture when I heard a cell phone ring. It was muffled so I assumed it was coming from outside the room. But then one of my warriors dropped, started to dig through her gym bag and pull out her phone. “She must be so embarrassed” I thought to myself. Surely she will shut it off (an oversight for not doing so in the first place I was sure), flush red in the face and mouth an “I’m sorry” to the class.

But no. She answered it, had a conversation and then dropped the phone back in her bag. Oh my. I resisted the urge to run over and kick her in the first chakra, cleared my mind and went back to teaching. Not ten minutes later her phone rang again and we had an encore performance. A couple students muttered “talk about rude” and the like. She at least left the room to have her second conversation.

That same night I was giddy with anticipation of going to see “The Last Night of the Proms” at the TSO. Lord Fauntleroy and Mr. Underpants had agreed to go with me and while our seats were not top drawer, they captured the festive mood, joyous music and cell phone rings.

That’s right! Smack in the middle of Rule Britannia! Mortified was I. At least this person seemed to realize they were caught with their pants down (something I usually enjoy myself) and mumbled an apology to all those in Roy Thompson Hall.

There was also someone somewhere who at some point felt it would be okay to carry on a conversation with their neighbor. I guess they didn’t understand that the building was designed to carry sound.

Oh how I long for the days were people keep their elbows off the table, eat with a knife and fork instead of fingers and phones were attached to a wall.

If you were any gayer......

To all the usual suspects (The girls in the dollhouse, L.L. Fauntleroy, Mr. Underpants, CPB, C.J.) a big fat THANK YOU for making this weekend so great. Notably absent was Kitkat who was hanging out at his sister’s waterfall. You were missed darling.

Last year over the Pride week I was on a wonderful retreat in Scotland that helped rejuvenate my spirit, give me some focus and was the inspiration for this blog. This year, I did Pride old school. Good friends, copious amounts of libations and good times.

There were times where it was just us boys (Aqua party), times where it was just the girls (Palais Royale. Well almost, sorry girls that it was a sell-out. That’s a no goooooood) and the best times where we all hung out together. Brunch, the missed parade (ooooops), the fabulous FAB rooftop patio and of course, spring rolls.

Not much of a blog entry, but putting into words how much you all kick ass is not so easy to do. The biggest, wettest, gayest kiss to you all!!!!

Life Lessons From Mon Papa

Another Father's Day has come and gone. I got my dad the usual - something for his garden, something for his birds and a card. I also took something for myself - 5 minutes to think of the example he set for me. Once I started, it took a good deal longer than 5 minutes, but here are some highlights.

Share – I remember one day after school hanging out with my best friend Mark. We were goofing around doing who knows what when my mom called me for dinner. As we were walking by my house I saw my dad in the front yard and asked him if Mark could stay for dinner. You know how kids do, ask for things while others are standing about in an effort to get their parents to say “yes”. My dad’s response was “well we don’t have much, but there is always enough to go around”.

Be proud, no matter what – Growing up I was (and still am) fairly competitive. Especially when it came to Monopoly. Every year we rented a cottage with some family and board games were our nightly ritual. One particular evening I was cleaning up, everything from Marvin Gardens to Boardwalk was mine, and as my dad walked by I told him that if I did “this well in real life” he would be so proud of me. He looked at me and said he would be proud of me no matter what.

It’s better to give, than to receive – A tireless volunteer, my dad saw my siblings and I through Cubs and Scouts, t-ball and swimming (the extent of my interest in organized sports). My brother and sister had more encompassing sporting interests and he drove, coached and cheered them through hockey, ringette, lacrosse, volleyball, basketball, golf and skiing. He also found time to coach various teams at his school, held numerous positions within the church, volunteers and canvasses for the Cancer Society and Red Cross. The man can do it all.

Happy Father’s Day to the best one out there!

There Goes The Neighborhood.

You say pervert, I say young Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window. I live in an 8 storey building and across the way is a 5 storey low rise. As you can well imagine, I can see them and they can see me – my angle however affords a better view. At the beginning of May, a very cute young thing moved into the apartment on the top floor of the opposing building. Toronto was having its first little heat wave and he often walked around, cooked and watched TV shirtless.

Please don’t think I stood there with binoculars playing peeping Tom. My balcony plants need watering and I stand in a certain spot to do my ironing and if some hottie parades about in my line of sight, what am I to do? It was nice to see a bit of eye candy every once in a while. Once I even caught sight of his bare backside as he left the kitchen. I am all for nakedness, but around food? Now really.

In the apartment right next door to him are two girls who, from what I have figured out, truly enjoy wearing their bras and dancing. Once again, I was ironing and out of the corner of my eye I saw two rather blessed (in the boob department) women prancing about rather vigorously while they too ironed. Who knew ironing could be such a bonding moment?

They must have had more laundry than I, because I finished, made myself a cuppa and was sitting out on the balcony and they were still at it. I couldn’t hear the music (windows closed, AC on) so I couldn’t join in the fun but did find my head bopping along with the rhythm of their boobs. Not quite that classic song “rhythm of the night” but a close second to be sure.

As of yet, I have not noticed any other nudists in the neighborhood and I hope I don’t see any more in that particular building. The majority of the people are, how shall I put this delicately, old and I fear that and close encounter of the nudist kind would be like that scene out of There’s Something About Mary where you get an eyeful of Magda titty.

Like A Kid In A Candy Store

It is weeks like this that make me realize just how good life is and all I have to be grateful for. I finished my cleanse, I got a new job at work AND I got to hang out in a sling with about 14 (but who is counting) hot men in combat gear. I mean literally hang. On the side of a building. And shoot guns (four different ones) AND take part in 3 hostage situations (I can see my film credit now “Blindfolded Hostage #2 – Robert Mitchell) AND try on a bomb suit AND watch an attack dog demo AND shoot a tazer gun AND, did I mention the hot men?

My work had a silent auction to raise money for Juvenile Diabetes and the 12 highest bidders got to spend a day with a SWAT team. It was AMAZING!!!! The pictures do more justice to the day than my words ever could. I was on such a high the entire day and for those who know me, that is a lot of Robert to take.

We were picked up at 7:30 in the morning and whisked off to an undisclosed location where we were greeted by four men on ropes hanging from the side of the building. Someone up top, tossed a noise maker that made a bang before hitting the ground. Man, were we awake at that point.

The good stuff started as one of the SWAT team ran around the corner of the building being chased by a German Sheppard. He had on a protective sleeve and good thing too. That dog was on him like a tick on a June bug. It had eyes for no one but the guy running. So cool.

Trying on the bomb suit came next. We weren’t allowed to try on the helmet though as last time we (I am an official member of SWAT, so I can say “we”) did a community function and let people try on the helmet, we all came down with a cold. Just as well then that we stuck to the jacket and pants. I wouldn’t want to fall in a pool in that sucker. It would be game over.

Then there was the makeshift house where we got to play hostage. We were all taken into a room with a terrorist and then wham bam thank you ma'me, 6 guys burst in and shot the crap out of him. Shot him with these wax paint ball things that left welts, but shot no the less. Awesome! That was followed by more hostage playing in cars. First I was in a car that got cut off (for real here, we were in moving cars) by three black vans and was told (after the driver) to “get out, hands up, turn around, walk backwards and kneel on the ground”. Yes sir! Then I got to ride in one of the vans. Wicked!

I am quite the marksman apparently and had “nice groupings” and “good aim” according to my shooting coach John! 4 guns, me and a good lookin’ man in a shooting stall. First was a hand gun (and no I don’t remember what kind. It was a 45 of some sort) then an M16 (I haven’t fired one of those suckers since air cadets) followed by some other tactical machine gun and we finished off with my personal fave – shot gun, pump action, 12 gauge. Made me weak in the knees it did. I really need to get out more.

Not thinking the day could get any better, we hit the rooftop and rappelled down the side. My first go I didn’t look over the edge, just step in my harness, got tied off, plopped my legs over the side and went. The second time I actually played a little. Pushed off, jumped down the wall, waved at people in the windows and had a blast.

What a day! I am so in the wrong line or work. I need to get that laser thing on my eyes and try out! “Freeze! I said freeze! Get on the ground. Now!” Wicked awesome day!

Celine Dion's heart may go on, but my cleanse is OVER!!!

Who thought I would ever get so excited about diluted (not with vodka) OJ and vegetable broth? I started with OJ in the morning with no ill effects so graduated to vegetable broth for dinner. I can’t begin to tell you how big those ‘tiny’ pieces of pulp felt. Sooooo good!

I slept soundly that night knowing that for breakfast I would get more broth AND the mushy vegetable mash that went along with it. There were beets, carrots, onions, celery, a smattering of potato AND some beans. When I passed gas for the first time in 10 days, I knew everything was going to be okay.

That first meal made me feel very lightheaded, I guess all the blood was called back to active duty in my kidneys and liver, almost drunk. I had to sit still for a good 10 minutes after even a small bowl. I ate two more helpings during the day (along with my water/syrup/lemon mix) and had a salad for dinner.

All systems seem to be go!

People ask me why I did it? Do I recommend it? And how does it make you feel? To answer the first question, I am not really sure why. It was NOT about losing weight for me at all (I leveled out at 180.5 lbs) but more of a physical challenge. To see if I could. As far as recommending it goes, yes. But not while you are working full time or maintaining a high level of physical activity. A couple people I talked to had no drop in energy level but they also had more spare energy to draw on. My lucky legs can’t get much thinner! If you are on a retreat or away at a cottage I would say go for it. I have described in previous entries how it made me feel – light headed, I had a headache (not a bad one) for a few days and I was hungry ALL the time. Speaking from my ego (small as it is) I feel good about it. I set a challenge for myself and my body and was able to achieve it.

At any rate, it’s done now. I will likely do it again in January or February when I have a little extra winter weight to live off. But for now, I am keeping my eye on the calendar for June 18th when my 30 day no drinking challenge is over. Until then, lock up your food cause I’m a comin’ and I’m a hungry!!!!!!

Day 8. Only 2 days to OJ.

Well here I am. The dawn of day 8. Desire for any specific food is gone. Replaced by a dull sense of craving for anything aside from syrup, lemons, cayenne pepper and water. I have to admit, I did take an extra spoonful of maple syrup this morning (ok fine, I took a swig from the bottle) and it tasted wonderful. I guess it is the concoction itself that I am tired of.

Friday was hard as it is treat day at work and paraded before me was Portuguese BBQ chicken and those little round skinless yummy potatoes in that red sauce. For the first time since I started this my dull low grade headache is gone. Not sure if that is a good sign or not. My watch is spinning around my wrist like a hula hoop and I had to use the next hole on my belt yesterday.

It's the final countdown and I have never looked so forward a glass of OJ! That is my first 'meal' after the cleanse. OJ diluted with water. Yum!