Get A Job!!!!

Last night CJ, the Boyfriend and I headed out for a bite to eat and a movie. After fetching one from home and the other from the subway we headed for the restaurant. Being a Friday and a pay week I decided to indulge a little and have prime rib with all the fixin's. That included a pint of Hoegaarden.

From dinner we walked to the Children of Men, our movie of choice for the evening. Violent and disturbing yes, but also thought provoking. And Clive Owen looked HOT!!! After the film, we headed back to Lucy - my beloved and now officially beleaguered car. My next statement goes out to the person (you know who your are) that violated my beloved - YOU STINK!!!

Get a job and stop breaking into cars at the Queensway movie theatre!

Upon our arrival at Lucy, I unlocked the door and jumped in. I noticed that my kleenex box was on the passenger side floor along with a few receipts. I thought CJ must have knocked it down with her purse as she left Lucy. As I picked up the tissue box, I saw various bric-a-brac that usually resides in the arm rest cubby.

At that moment the Boyfriend said "my backpack is gone". Lucy had been hit! I sat there stunned. First I was upset that my motor vehicle had been the target of some sketchy hoodlum and then at the fact that they left my stuff in the car! Granted my cell phone is about as old as they come but it was sitting in the charger right in front of you loser! And FYI, those D&G sunglasses are REAL!!!!

My annoyance continued this morning as I fiddled away putting new locks in the door. I replaced the deadbolt and added a second lock. I have been meaning to add that other one for a while so at the very least, my procrastination has come to an end. Still, you STINK!

Nothing of any real value was stolen and we are all hoping you (you know who you are) put on the shoes that were in the gym bag. Enjoy your athlete's foot!!! Prick. There were bank cards (replaced), a gift certificate that The Bay replaced, gym clothing and of course keys. Nothing with an address, but still, better safe than sorry.

Knowing the keys were in the hands of evil incarnate, I couldn't sleep. The thought of someone breaking into the apartment (is it breaking in if they have keys???) while we slept was too much. I tried to convince myself it would make for a good porn plot. Some Clive Owen-ish cat burglar coming into your room in the middle of the night looking for the "family jewels". But no. All I could think of was SAW, Texas Chainsaw and Scream.

I stacked five wine bottles, just like they do milk bottles at the county fair, in front of the door as a makeshift alarm. Wishing my gun wasn't locked up at my dad's, I made do by tucking a knife under the mattress and resting my trusty walking stick with the club handle against the wall.

The Italian Stallion had his laptop stolen from the same parking lot not so long ago. There must be a sneak theif doing a brisk business at the corner of Islington and Queensway. Heed this warning all you movie lovers residing in Etobicoke! Take a cab, walk or take transit.

And as for you (you know who you are) I hope you choke on your own vomit!!

It Is No Under the Tuscan Sun

So last week I had to be to the dentist nice and early for a check-up and cleaning. I gave myself extra time as I heard it was supposed to rain and traffic of course, would be correspondingly slow. Despite my best efforts, I found myself bogged down in Toronto’s infamous traffic. I ended up being 15 minutes late. Or so I thought. As I waltzed into the office the receptionist looked at me as if to say “what are you doing here”?

I apologized for being late and she said that I was actually early. By a month. As it turns out, my appointment is in February, not January. Oh well, no harm no foul I thought. Not a great start to the day, but it could be worse. And it was.

As I stepped outside a dirty birdie made doody on the lapel of my jacket. On the way to work I tried to find the silver lining of my morning. Here is what I came up with. I wasn’t the one who got into a car accident. In fact, I was not late for my appointment. And the bird crap did not go in my hair or on my face.

That night the boyfriend and I were out for a walk and I regaled him with the tale of my morning. He said, and I have heard this before, that a bird pooping on you is good luck. On a whim, but not really banking on it, I stopped and bought a single lottery ticket. I stuffed it in my wallet and forgot about it.

Last night on the way home from a delightful night at CJ’s (we stuffed our bellies with her homemade chili and world famous Caesar salad, played Rumoli and watched Desperate Housewives) I needed to get Lucy some gas. I was pleasantly surprised to find gas for $.69!!!! What a bargain! Gas hasn’t been that cheap in two years! As swiped my debit to make the payment, I asked the clerk to check my lottery ticket.

I know this is a lot of build up for $70.80 but it was the most I have ever won on the lotto! Cheap gas and $70 in my pocket all for a little bird doody. What a good night. I am now thinking of adopting one of the pigeons on the balcony instead of always shooing them away. I wonder if they like prunes. Hmmmmmm.

Dream Girls vs. Dream Team

I love Canada and am very proud to be Canadian. I realize how lucky I am to have been born in such a country. A few of the things I like most about Canada can be called stereotypical – our great outdoors, our multi-cultural non-melting pot and the friendly reputation we have around the world. I even like the passion Canadians have for our national sport – even though I don’t understand it.

Today for example, I unexpectedly (but not unwillingly) become witness to this spectacle. I went to the gym over lunch and watched Canada’s Junior Mini AAABC Hockey Team shoot its way to victory over Russia. At least I think they won. I saw them score three nets within about 5 minutes of each other. It is nets right? Or is it goals? Hoops? Hole-in-one? This all happened in the first quarter. It is quarter isn’t it? Or is it periods? Half? Innings? They really should just call them ‘Act 1, Act 2’ etc. and any breaks ‘Intermission’ – it would make things so much easier and maybe even attract a few theatre type people.

I had my iPod mini on shuffle but neither Marilyn singing “Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend” nor Rufus performing “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” were any match for the noise each goal generated.

Every stationary bike, treadmill and stair-master facing the televisions was in use. Some people were using stability balls as seats. I caught myself shaking my head as I do not understand the attraction. I do however appreciate a person’s passion for something. I searched my brain for the last thing that made me get that excited. Food and giggitty giggitty aside, the movie Dream Girls popped into my head. We saw it a few nights ago and every time Effie hit one home we applauded and screeched “you go girl” with glee.

It actually brought a smile to my face that everyone in that room had something they could get so excited about.

The only downside to the broadcast was the TSESPN interview with Stephen Harper during the intermission. I have to admit that, for me anyway, listening to Harper is like watching a car accident is for others. I simply can’t help myself. I love to hear the next silly thing come out of his mouth. I was pleased however, that he used a hockey term I had actually heard before.

The announcer asked him what he thought about the shot-up between Canada and the US that decided the last game. He said something about players that can “thread the needle”. Who knew that hockey players are so well known for their sewing skills? I also use the term in teaching yoga. Man, get me a cup and put me on the ice! I am ready to play!

Scratch that. Get me a cup and put some ice in it. Along with some vodka and olives. Getting slammed into any sort of board (headboard aside – hee hee) is not my idea of a good time.